Nine Years

Recently my husband scoured the internet and read blog after blog of recipes for pizza so that he could make me my very favorite at home- Pizza Hut!  It took hours from making the dough and letting it rise to mixing all the right stuff so that the sauce was just so, and of course the cooking time. The kitchen was a disaster by the time he was through and as we ate the pizza all he kept saying was next time I will do this better, and this crust will be better, and so on and so on.

While I assured him it was just right and how much I loved the pizza, I tried my best to make it a point that I loved him. I loved him for thinking of me so sweetly. I loved him for going out of his way to create my pizza. I loved him for wanting it to be perfect for me. I loved him for the mess he made doing it. I simply loved him for the little things he does, the little surprise pizza at the end of the week just for me. We have been together nine years today and he still goes out of his way to do the little “sumpins” for me.

As I think about the last nine years first I can hardly believe how fast they went, and second, how at my current age nine years is about a third of my life and how they have been the most meaningful yet.

In nine years time I took a break from school, had a son, returned to school and had another son. I graduated and began a career. I got married and had a daughter. In this past year I managed to buy a house and have begun making it a home. On paper this all looks very normal, ordinary, or at least well done? What the paper doesn’t reveal is the day to day, the moment by moment. I won’t string together a bunch of clichés here about how challenging it is raising children and starting out on your own. I’m not extraordinary for creating a family, but I think the point I am trying to make is that neither Steve, my husband, nor I took the easy road. I realize it is unfair to suggest that there is even an easy road in life (and yes that saying so is a cliché) so I will backtrack a moment and say neither of us gave up when it may have very well been easier to do so. Rather than calling it quits many years ago we fought against the overwhelming odds, the tragic statistics and we fought against each other to give our family its very best shot- and we made it.

What I think about most often every year when October 24^th rolls around is change. Another year, another year, another year- I think about how much I have changed from my late teen years, to those early and mid-twenties, and now as I am cresting my thirties, and so on and so on I imagine. When I think about marriages that fail, or relationships that fail, ones that started out when the couple was young, or started out passionate and fast and then end quickly, snuffed out to the point that not a single ember still burns, I realize that two people grew and that they grew apart. So each year on this day I am thankful to my husband who gave me room to grow and has never lost interest in the person I continue to become.

Like children, you can’t just begin a relationship and expect it to thrive without nourishment. If you simply feed, clothe and shelter a child you’ll never see them grow to their fullest potential, sure they’re alive, but only a mere shell of what they could be. Relationships need nourishment. I promised no clichés but I guess I lied because while this next statement is cliché, it is also very true. Communication is the key. It is the key ingredient in all healthy relationships and provides so much nourishment.  I think with that ingredient we also all need a healthy dose of humility. It is so easy to be selfish; to be self-righteous and to feel wronged when you enter those dreaded disagreements. When you care more about someone other than yourself it’s no longer about who’s is right and who’s wrong, but how do we fix this and find our way back to each other.

At nineteen I was lucky to find someone that wouldn’t ask me to compromise the things in life that are most important to me. I always wanted a family, kids to fill a home with, kids who would be more important than our house, or our situation, kids who would be the most important. I wanted a partner who wanted to be a dad as much as I wanted to be a mom. I needed someone to love me, a person who wanted to marry me, someone who accepted me exactly as I was and who believed my future would be even brighter.  Some people are never lucky enough to find someone who values match so closely their own. Worse yet, some people do compromise their own values so much, too much, to find stability and fake compatibility. I’m thankful I’ve never felt the need to do so.

After nine years together we still laugh about most things. Steve and I appreciate each other. We like to spend time together and make a solid team. Thank you Steve for being that person that I could have spent many years searching for. I love you very much.